While it would be a stretch to say Ireland invented the wind, what we can take some pride in is that in 1805 a native of Navan, Francis Beaufort, invented the Beaufort Scale. This scale with thirteen stages from zero to Force 12, remains the premier guide to wind conditions, as summarised and simplified below.
Beaufort number: 0
Description: Calm
Conditions: Unluckiest day in Irish Kite Flying Final history.
Beaufort number: 1
Description: Light air
Conditions: Still not a good idea to fart during a picnic.
Beaufort number: 2
Description: Light breeze
Conditions: You can smell someone having a barbecue nearby.
Beaufort number: 3
Description: Gentle breeze
Conditions: Great weather for drying clothes.
Beaufort number: 4
Description: Fresh breeze
Conditions: Powerful weather for drying clothes!
Beaufort number: 5
Description: Moderate breeze
Conditions: That money you spent in the hairdresser has been wasted.
Beaufort number: 6
Description: Strong breeze
Conditions: There goes the umbrella!
Beaufort number: 7
Description: High wind, moderate gale.
Conditions: Instagram almost crashes as people post photos of themselves lying into the wind.
Beaufort number: 8
Description: Fresh gale
Conditions: An old man in Tubbercurry is blown off his bike as he cycles by the gate of a field.
Beaufort number: 9
Description: Strong gale
Conditions: You’ll spend the next two days looking for your wheelie bins.
Beaufort number: 10
Description: Storm
Conditions: The TV aerial is hanging on by its fingertips, slates are coming off the roof and the back-road to mass is blocked by a tree covered in ivy.
Beaufort number: 11
Description: Violent storm
Conditions: Things have gotten serious. Widespread vegetation and structural damage likely. Junior B hurling training called off.
Beaufort number: 12
Description: Hurricane force
Conditions: Apocalyptic. Gerry Fleming is brought out to present the weather, he doesn’t wink good night and you realise that the howling noise that just flew past your window was Rover the dog blowing away.
Excerpt from Irishology by Ronan Moore. — Get your own copy.
